Tubal Regret...Am I The Only One?

11/14/2011

After I had Kyle, my oldest, I always knew I wanted to have more children. Motherhood is something that has always come naturally to me, and I wanted him to have siblings to grow up with. Of course I didn't want to have any more kids with my abusive ass of an ex-husband, so these plans got put on hold. When I started seeing my now WONDERFUL hubby, who I have actually known since I was 13, we quickly decided we wanted to expand our family. We have a great relationship, and Dan is more of a father to my oldest child than his "sperm donor" is. I knew he would be a wonderful Daddy, and I was thrilled to finally be with a man who was worth having a family with. However, having a baby didn't come as easily as we had hoped. We tried to conceive for a few years, and suffered 3 heartbreaking miscarriages in the process. I was incredibly depressed, since it seemed that everyone around me was having babies. I felt broken...Cheated. Well, when looking into our fertility issues, I was diagnosed with PCOS. (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) PCOS can be devastating to a woman's fertility. I started making lots of lifestyle changes, and still, no baby....I had finally given up all hope. I had a long talk with God, which is something I don't often do, and I decided to leave it in His hands, to do what would be done in His time. In the meantime, I accepted that I may not ever have another baby. We looked into and actually got approved with an adoption agency. Then BAM- Out of nowhere, we were pregnant. For the first trimester, I wouldn't let myself get too excited. After all, we had 3 previous losses. Another would kill me.

Sophie actually started out as a twin. We saw 2 babies in my first ultrasound. When we went and got another, about 5 weeks later, there was one baby remaining. She was our miracle baby, and what we had waited so long for. My pregnancy was difficult. I was high risk and put on modified bedrest for almost the entire pregnancy. We ended up having Sophie on New Year's Eve, via scheduled C-section, and she was the most beautiful little blessing I had ever seen. All 6lbs 5oz of her! Yes, she was a tiny little thing!

3 months later, we found out we were pregnant AGAIN. I didn't plan on this, and I didn't think it could even happen. After all, I had PCOS and it took YEARS to conceive before! Not to mention, I was still lactating! I never even had a period between these two pregnancies! But sure enough, we were pregnant again. We welcomed Xander into the world in January of 2011, via another C-section.

While I was on the table having my second C-section in 12 months, I was asked this question: "Do you want me to give you a Tubal-Ligation?" I asked, "Is my baby okay?" When they indicated he seemed perfectly healthy, I made the decision that would change my life...I let them do it. I had my tubes tied, cut, and burned. This is a decision I have grown to regret. Do I want more kids? Not necessarily. I can't even afford another child right now. But as I see other women have babies, I feel a little twinge of envy. And worse, when I hear heartbreaking stories about babies who die from illnesses, I feel panic. Did I do the right thing? What if something unthinkable happened to any of my kids, God forbid?

I WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER BABY. This is a cold, hard fact....And it plagues me. I don't have any intention of having another baby...Not any time in the foreseeable future, at least. Three kids is enough for me. I think it's just the knowledge that I CAN'T that gets me. Is this really a decision that should be made by a half-crazed woman who spent the better part of 2 years pregnant and/or recovering from a c-section? At the time I made the decision, I was just DONE. I had been pregnant, TWICE, with very difficult pregnancies and no time to recover in between them. I wasn't thinking about the future. I was thinking about simply being DONE with pregnancy.

Now, since my tubal ligation, I have had awful side effects. My PMS is brutal and each month the bleeding is horrific. MUCH worse than I had ever experienced before. My hormones still feel out of whack, and I just don't feel "right". I highly suspect it's due to the tubal. I find myself seriously questioning whether or not I made the right decision?

Have any of you had a tubal? Did you have any side effects? I would love any feedback. This is something women need to put a great deal of thought into before making the decision to proceed. And NOT while they're pregnant, hormonal, and ready to kill someone!

14 Comments

Marcie Wahrer link

11/14/2011 05:36:32 am

I had my tubal in July 2008, 2 months after my 3rd child was born. I also have PCOS and it took 23 months of TTC to become pregnant with my first. My middle child was our surprise and my third took 6 months. I had to use Clomid and know first hand the pain of wanting a baby. I also know how it feels to take away the gift we wanted to badly.

It's been quite some time since my tubal. I've watched my kids grow and like you, I get sad thinking that this is it. Then I tell myself, you have to stop sometime unless your last name is Duggar. I get through those second guess times by getting excited about watching those babies I wanted to much grow and learn. I think about doing fun things as a family of 5 without babies like dinners out and movies. I bask in the fact that I'm done changing diapers and how I get to sleep all night.

I too think about the what ifs with my babies and the inability to have more, but even if heaven forbid something did happen, would having another baby make that okay? The heartache would remain. I can also say the "side effects" get easier. I noticed when I eat like crap, I feel like crap. The more I exercise the better my PMS is and my periods are now lighter. I feel like it will get better, hang in there.

Feel free to email me anytime. Our situations sound SO similar!

Amelia

11/14/2011 07:11:24 am

Have you ever heard of PTLS? I don't want to be preachy, but just check into it if you have time. Feel free to email me if you'd like. All my best to you.

Danielle @ We Have It All link

11/14/2011 08:55:51 am

Have you thought of a reversal? I know a few women who have gone through the process... it might be an idea for you?

Happy Accidents. link

11/14/2011 10:00:51 am

Love the blog. New follower from blog hop.

http://evescrochet.blogspot.com/

Ola Jaggers link

11/14/2011 10:26:30 am

I'm glad you shared this story with us. I'm so happy for you for you three beautiful children!!! I've never had a tubal, my husband had a vasectomy done. Best wishes to you though!!!

I'm stopping by from Helicopter Moms Alexa Hop. I'm off to leave you an Alexa Review & a new GFC follower. I would love for you to stop by and visit my blog!

~Ola
iluvtosave.net

Stefany link

11/14/2011 10:57:04 am

Okay, I am putting on my nurse hat for a quick second...

They were NOT supposed to do that at all. In most states, you actually have to give a woman 30 days to think about it. At the very least, that is not the appropriate time to ask a woman such an important question. In fact, I was asked several times about my tubal decision before the day, the day of, and then finally right before he did it.

As far as side effects, I am only 5 weeks postpartum. Technically, there is no reason why you hormones should change though other than because of your prior births. You still ovulate and all the same as before. But, most of the time after birth, your cycles are changed forever. I think you should talk to your doctor about what is going on though because there is no reason you should have to suffer. :(

My hugs to you. I feel completely at ease with my decision, but like I said, I had quite a bit of time to think about it. You can do a reversal but it isn't successful very often unfortunately. I wish I had some advice for you but know that I am here if you need to talk. HUGS

Nicole Edwards link

11/14/2011 09:27:43 pm

I agree with Stefany. They should've asked you at your last couple of checkups to make sure that's what you want. and before you get all drugged up and ready for the csection, you have to sign a paper saying you agree and want the tubal. I'm really surprised they asked you that on the table because you aren't in a clear mind with all the meds going through your system at the time.

now that being said... I did have a tubal after my 3rd because I was done! no more for me!
But I do have the side effects you have too. I bleed heavily! enough to where I have to wear both a tampon and a pad to avoid a mess, and have to change them every 2-3 hours. and I'm a b*tch during that time of the month too.

Brandy Nelson link

11/14/2011 10:43:00 pm

Thanks for your support, ladies! I am surprised to hear that some of you have had the same side effects. Perhaps it IS PTLS! I have read about that before, but didn't give it too much thought. When I asked the doctor about the bleeding and extreme PMS, he just said "Oh, that can happen sometimes after a TL" and told me to take iron supplements when it's that time of the month.

I DID have to sign a paper, but I signed it AFTER I was all drugged up. I don't even remember signing it. We had discussed doing the procedure while I was pregnant, but I remained undecided. I was concerned about the possible complications and we were thinking of getting Dan a vasectomy instead. Then right before my C-section, I was asked if they could go ahead and do it. That's when I was given a form to sign. I was out of it. I'm not saying I wouldn't have done it anyway, as I probably would have at that point. Being pregnant for 2 years and having 2 c-sections 12 months apart was enough to push me to that decision. I just wish that I had been made aware of the side effects beforehand, and that I was able to fully decide when I was clear-headed. 3 kids is enough for me, and we've decided to adopt should we ever want another. I just don't like the way the medical community tends to handle things, and I HATE the way the after-effects make me feel. I turn into an evil, awful bitch. And the bleeding is insane. I can bleed through a Super tampon in an hour! Ughhhh...I just feel like it may have been a mistake and I feel that I was pressured to make the decision.

Mimzy Wimzy link

11/15/2011 04:19:17 am

I could go on and on about this topic.
I had a miscarriage at 17. Single mom. Another daughter at 20 and my son 5 days after I turned 22. Bad relationship. When my son was 6 weeks old I had my tubal. I had considered getting an IUD but the Dr talked me out of it due to "dangers & side effects". I should have gone with my gut. Here I am about to turn 40 in a fabulous marriage. My kids are 21, 19 & just about 18. I am getting my 1st granddaughter before my birthday.
My Hubby has no biological children. He gained mine as teenagers. We want nothing more than a little one to raise together from the start.
Lets start by saying my periods are awful. The intense bleeding & cramps can put me down for 2 days easily. I believe in PTLS. As for getting a reversal. Personally, I know many people who have done it. Most with no success. I didn't do it because my hormone levels are not prime baby making levels. We did consider IVF but again, my eggs are expiring so I can't take a risk of spending that much money and have nothing in the end. One day we desperately want to adopt.
I am now strongly encouraging any woman who tells me she is going to get a tubal not to do it! Do anything else but not that!
My best friend had a tubal, new marriage got reversal, nothing. 2 rounds of IUI, nothing. 2 rounds of IVF, still nothing.
All of these can work for some people. Its just a lot of money to risk if you are the one it wont work for.
I will forever regret that one decision in my life. It is the only thing I can regret because it is the one decision I can do nothing to change or correct.
I hope the side effects get better for you. I am very happy that you do have those 3 wonderful children.

11/15/2011 04:20:27 am

**oops... in between the miscarriage & single mom it was supposed to say I had my 1st daughter at 18 as a single mom.

11/15/2011 06:21:39 am

I believe I HAD, yes I said 'had' PTLS. All of the same symptoms & more. I went for a reversal at Chapel Hill in North Carolina. Their success rate is pretty good. Mine was successful. All symptoms are gone. I felt better that same day. As for making babies - yes that worked too! I was 38 when I had the reversal & 39 when our little guy was born. Previous to the reversal - all doctors I went to see about various problems all told me it was in my head. It was all of my own research which brought me to this conclusion. All the pieces fit. Now all of those 'problems' I thought were individual problems are all gone. We don't plan to have anymore kids, but I will NOT have a tubal. So we currently have a 12 year old, 10 year old & now our little 1 year old and couldn't be happier.

Zene

11/15/2011 10:54:55 am

I too had a tubal, but I had hard pregnancies and wanted it only IF I had to have another c section. Since I did I figured they might as well since they were in there anyhow. I would NEVER recommend a tubal to any woman! The pain of recovery was horid! Way worse than the csection. The recovery from the second c and tubal was a full month of pain and slow moving. My first c was "easy" and I felt good after 2 weeks. My post baby period didn't return until last month. It was like your so heavy that I was going through a pad and a tampon every hour for three days. Talk about rediculous!

11/15/2011 11:05:52 am

...cont... My baby is 14 mos so I had a long run with no period and I wondered if that had anything to do with the heavy bleeding. In the back of my mind I wondered if it had anything to do with the tubal. But why would that make an impact? And why would the tubal itself hurt so much? It seems like such an insignificant organ. If any woman wonders of they should have a tubal I would YELL. HELL NO! Send the hubs to get snipped! As for more kids, I would love to have more, but pregnancy doesn't suit my body well. I look great ;) but feel like crap! Adoption is our next step for babies if we want more. And cheaper for us! Our kids were expensive c babies. The last had to spend time in the NICU due to over sedation during the c. Another bag of worms. Adoption is a very valid option! There are lots of local babies that need a home and lawyer to lawyer domestic adoption can be cheaper than a c section baby :)