This photo is of me and Dan when we were kids. I was 13 (Yes, I realize I didn't look it) and he was 17. So as you can see, I have known him literally more than half of my life. We haven't been together all those years,since we dated, split-up, both married psychopaths and then eventually found each other again, but we have known each other for a very long time. (I hope I didn't give away my age there!) I honestly cannot remember exactly what it was that initially attracted me to my husband when I was a teen. It was probably the fact that he was a nice guy with a great personality but still had the "bad boy" image that a lot of young girls like. This is not the way he is now, and NOT what attracted me to him when we reunited years later. If he was still the bad boy then, we would not be where we are now because I simply wouldn't have tolerated it!
Anyhow, after years of knowing/being with a person, it can become all too easy to forget what attracted you to your partner to begin with. When you live with someone day in and day out for years, you become blind, in a sense, to things that used to make you swoon. Sure, those things may still be there, but when you're dealing with chores and jobs and babies all day long, they may become easy to overlook. Not to mention, when a relationship is new, people are on their absolute best behavior because they want to impress their partner. In the beginning, I NEVER would have allowed Dan to see me in PJ pants with stubbly legs, no make-up and my hair up in a messy bun or ponytail. Just like he would have never belched or farted as loudly as possible without excusing himself.
But as the years go by, you tend to get comfortable. You see each other at your worst, and little by little, you stop putting forth 100% of the extra effort you may have put into the relationship when it was brand spankin' new. I still try and make sure I look and smell nice for Dan when he comes home, and I do wear lingerie to bed a lot. But I must admit, I love my Pajama Jeans and fleece PJ pants, and Dan has come home to me with bags under my eyes and covered in unidentifiable baby goo on more than one occasion. And it doesn't phase him one bit. Yep, we're that comfortable! That's right...The new relationship smell has worn off and has officially been replaced with the too-tired-too-stressed-up-all-night-covered-in-spit-up-no-time-for-romance-surrounded-by-babies-24hours-per-day smell. (Whew, that was a mouthful!)
Day 3 of the K-Y Brand Intimacy Experiment is all about remembering the positive traits that made you go gaga over your partner back when the relationship was new. You know, back before children and bills and broken appliances took over. Back when nothing in the world mattered but the two of you. ~Sigh~ I remember those times. I wouldn't trade what we've got now for anything in the world, but it definitely was nice to have that butterflies in the stomach feeling I used to get whenever he walked into the room. Today's challenge is about getting that feeling back by recalling all of the wonderful things about your spouse, identifying the obstacles in life that prevent you from seeing them now, and how to make a more conscious effort to look at your partner in a fresh light, therefore recapturing some of that new relationship spark!
Luckily, it was easy for Dan and I to remember what attracted us to each other when we reunited almost 6 years ago. He's my best friend, and we complement each other perfectly. We make each other laugh, we speak without words, and we are both very physically attracted to each other. I love so many things about him...His kindness, his sense of humor, his loyalty, his nerdiness, and even the fact that he is so laid-back where I am a total worry-wart. We truly balance each other out perfectly, and are very much in love. He was able to come up with reasons he was attracted to me, and luckily, time hadn't diminished this for either of us. However, we do find it a challenge to find the time to devote to enjoying each other lately. With 2 small babies, a preteen, and his busy work schedule, it's darn near impossible to make any child-free time for each other.
So while we were very happy to discover that we are still just as attracted to one another as ever, if not more so, we did realize that we need to make more time for US. Just the 2 of us. Without the babies or the chores. I do not know how we're going to accomplish this, but we're making the commitment to trying our best to make the time. We are a one income family and can't always afford to go out, let alone pay for a sitter. So maybe we'll have to get creative and find other ways to bring back some of that new relationship allure. Maybe have date night in? Or pack a romantic picnic and take it to the lake or river, just the 2 of us. Or perhaps we can get super creative and take on different personas, pretending to be complete strangers complete with different names and accents, meet in a public place, flirt like mad like we had just met, and then have him "take me home". (Hey, if anything, it would get a good laugh!)
Since getting out together without the kids in tow isn't always an option for us right now, we have discussed what we can start today to get some of that old passion back. He has agreed to stop farting on me and belching so loudly that the pictures might fall off of the walls, and I have agreed to ditch the fuzzy Eeyore pants in favor of something more attractive every now and then. We've also agreed to compliment each other more often and not to walk past the other without some form of flirtation, whether it be a wink, a kiss, a hug, a cat-call or a smack on the butt. It may not be as good as being able to have a regular "date night", but hey, it's a start!
Stay tuned tomorrow for Day 4 of the K-Y Brand Intimacy Experiment.
For more information about the Intimacy Experiment, make sure to check out K-Y Brand's Facebook Page, Couples Place.
I wrote this posting while participating in a blog campaign on behalf of K-Y® Brand and also received product samples to help facilitate my review. In addition, K-Y® Brand sent me a gift card to thank me for taking the time to participate. All opinions expressed in this article are my own and not influenced in any way by anyone.
PR Friendly Mama!
I'm Brandy, a happily married, proud mama of two munchkins and a teen. You can read more about me HERE. If you're interested in building a working relationship, please feel free to e-mail me at: NewlyCrunchyMamaOf3@gmail.com
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