Next I had my daughter. I had remarried a wonderful man by that time, and we tried desperately to expand our family. I was diagnosed with PCOS, a disorder that can adversely affect a woman's fertility. I become very depressed for a while, as we were taking a myriad of supplements, I was exercising and I prayed every single day to become a mother again. During this time, we suffered 3 miscarriages. This was devastating, to say the least. Everyone around me was getting pregnant, so this was a very rough time for me as a woman. I felt like I was broken..Like a failure. Well, after years of trying, we decided to pursue adoption. We had actually been approved by an agency when we found out the greatest news....We were pregnant! I tried not to get my hopes up, since we had had 3 losses already. We went for an early ultrasound, and saw that we were expecting twins! This was short lived, though, as only one baby "took". After a rough pregnancy spent mostly on bed-rest, we were blessed with the most beautiful little girl ever, and we named her Sophia.
My next baby came very unexpectedly...We actually found out we were pregnant AGAIN when our daughter was just 3 months old. I will admit, after having a rough pregnancy and a C-section, this was NOT the best news. I accepted it, but I was not at all overjoyed. I was incredibly stressed about the idea of another baby so soon. But towards the end of my pregnancy, I began to feel at peace with the situation. So much, in fact, that when Xander was being delivered by another C-section, I was actually laughing and crying at the same time. It is my hope that the first sounds he heard outside of the womb were the sounds of laughter and joy. When I first saw his face, I was hopelessly in love...My youngest is now a happy, healthy and sweet 6 month old. Despite the fact that it took me awhile to adapt to the idea of having babies 12 months apart, I would not trade him for anything in the world. He is the light of my life, and I love him more than anything. Just like I love ALL of my children.
So being a mother is the most important job I will ever have. You mothers know, once you have a child, it's like your heart is walking around outside of your body and you would do anything to protect it. My children are the best part of my life, and I look forward every day to smiles, laughter, hugs and kisses. Children are precious. Innocent. They are on loan to us from God to protect and shape into decent, kind human beings. This is not a responsibility I take lightly. I see the love, adoration, and absolute trust in my children's eyes when they look at me. Their love is unconditional. They know that if they have a need, Mommy is there to take care of them. If they are ever afraid, Mommy is there to kiss away those fears. If anyone ever tried to harm them, Mommy would kick some serious @ss...
I see the unwavering love and trust in my children's faces every day, and I thank God that I have been entrusted to be their mother. I would gladly give my own life for my babies. As would most mothers.Children are innocent and pure, and deserve the utmost respect. Children should be cherished and protected at all costs. Children should never be harmed by the one person they count on to protect them...To care for them...To love them.
I am absolutely sickened by yesterday's verdict in the Casey Anthony trial. I will admit, I openly wept for little Caylee, a little angel who was not much older than my own daughter when her life was cut short far too soon by the hands that were supposed to be protecting her. Yes, I think Casey Anthony is guilty as sin. Her actions were not those of a mother whose child went missing. Ms. Anthony is a cold, narcissistic sociopath who will now be free to walk the streets. Justice was not served yesterday, and I, like the rest of the world, am shocked and disgusted by these events. I feel there was more than enough circumstantial evidence to convict Ms. Anthony on all counts. But in our screwed up legal system, the lack of forensic evidence has allowed a monster to go free. If little Caylee had been recovered sooner from her watery grave, I am confident the outcome would have been much different. Caylee was an American citizen...A human being...A BABY...and she deserved justice for her senseless murder. We, as a society, have failed this beautiful little girl by allowing her "mother" to be free. (I use this term loosely, as I do not feel Ms. Anthony deserves the honor of being called a mother.) But, what's done is done. Ms. Anthony will have to live with herself for the rest of her life, knowing she got away with the most atrocious of crimes.
I do not make a habit of wishing ill on anybody. Even those I may not like. But here are my wishes for Casey Anthony: I hope she lives in fear and spends the rest of her miserable existence looking over her shoulder....I hope the image of those big, innocent, trusting eyes seen during the final moments of little Caylee's life haunt her eternally and that she never gets a decent night's rest...I hope Ms. Anthony is NEVER blessed with another child, as she certainly does not deserve one...I hope that Ms. Anthony is reminded everywhere she goes that she is a monster...I hope she is not able to resume her carefree, selfish lifestyle...But mostly, I hope that Ms. Anthony is prepared to face the ULTIMATE judge...God. God knows what she did...And I hope He shows this shell of a woman absolutely no mercy. While little Caylee may have been failed by us here on Earth, I pray that God will have the final verdict and that Casey Anthony will burn in Hell for what she has done to the beautiful, innocent child that was entrusted to her care.
I am angry and incredibly saddened by the loss of such a beautiful little girl by the hands of her mother. As a parent, these cases disgust me. I look at my own children, see their unconditional love for me and trust in me, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would NEVER allow anyone to harm them. It is beyond me how any parent could senselessly murder the greatest gift they will ever receive. So as I mourn the loss of little Caylee Anthony along with the rest of the world, I will hug my children even tighter. I will protect their innocence, or die trying. I will love them with my whole heart and soul, the way a child is meant to be loved. And I will pray for those children all around the world who aren't so lucky.
Rest In Peace, Caylee Marie...And all the other innocent souls whose lives have been cut short by the hands of the people they trusted the most. There will still be justice for these precious children, even if it does not come here on Earth.