I cannot believe my little girl is 2 years old today...It seems like only yesterday I held her for the first time. Sophia is my "Miracle Baby". She is my everything. You see, my husband and I had been trying for quite some time to expand our family. During that time, we found out I have PCOS, and I knew it was possible that we might not be able to have children of our own. I took about a million supplements every day, used fertility monitors like it was religion, and I did a lot of praying. Still, every month, nothing....Over the period of a couple years, we suffered through 3 miscarriages and it seemed everyone else was getting pregnant around me. I became horribly depressed and felt like a failure as a woman. Like I were somehow being punished. This was probably the darkest time of my life. I became totally introverted and spent a lot of time wondering "Why me? Why us?"
I finally had a talk with God and told Him "If I am to become a mother again, let it happen in YOUR time...Not mine." I had been praying and selfishly demanding NOW! I finally gave it to God and accepted that I had to let go....Stop worrying...Stop crying...I finally felt peace and clarity. We had actually started looking into the process of adoption and had even been approved by an agency, and then 2 little lines changed my life forever. My mother, who has an eerie way of just knowing things, told me to take a pregnancy test. She had a dream that I was pregnant with twins. I didn't believe it for a second, but after a week or so, it was gnawing at me. So a few days before my period was due, I went and got an early pregnancy test. I never expected it to be positive, but there were 2 clear, beautiful lines! We were definitely pregnant!
My pregnancy with Sophie was awful from the start. I was violently ill, throwing up constantly, and felt like crap in general. Because of my PCOS, the doctor opted to give me a very early ultrasound, just to see how things looked. Much to my shock, it was twins! There were 2 distinct gestational sacs, and 2 tiny little "beans". Unfortunately, by the time I had my next ultrasound, it was down to 1. My Sophia. I was going to have the little girl I had always wanted. I laughed and cried at the same time, and just felt so incredibly grateful. She was strong, healthy, and growing perfectly inside of me.
The months flew by as fast as they could while being horrendously ill and on bedrest, and on December 31, 2009, Sophia Suzanne was born at 8:22AM via C-section. She was so beautiful, all 6lbs 5oz of her. She had the face of an angel and a head full of thick, dark hair. We were hopelessly in love with her immediately.
And now, my Miracle, my little Princess, is 2 years old. Sophia is a happy, beautiful child with a great big smile and a lot of sass. She loves music, is a chocoholic like her Daddy, and she loves giving hugs and kisses. She is also quite the daredevil and isn't afraid of anything. She is my life. Like my other kids, she gives my life meaning and purpose like I never would have imagined before I became a mother.
My biggest wish for my daughter today is this: Sophie, don't be like me. I would never want you to go through things that I have gone through because I just didn't believe in myself enough. Don't ever second-guess yourself or feel not good enough. Don't ever let anyone hold you down or crush your dreams. Trust me, there are people who will attempt to do just that. You will undoubtedly have your heart broken, probably several times. Pick yourself back up when this happens, and be strong. Don't ever doubt your talents and gifts. And most of all, don't ever forget how beautiful you are. There are people who will put you down. Don't ever let them break you down. Life is too damn short to ever spend a moment allowing other people to make you question your worth. Trust me here, kiddo, I am 30 years old and am just NOW figuring this out!
Simply be kind to everyone you meet, and keep smiling that beautiful smile. Love yourself and those around you, and realize that even though life may be hard at times, it's one beautiful ride.You're so loved, little girl. There has never been a child more wanted. We loved you before you were even conceived. Please love yourself, unconditionally, the way that we love you. And always know, no matter how old you get or how far you may be from home, you'll always be our little girl. Our door and hearts are open to you forever. Never forget the road that will lead you back. I am so glad I had you. Thank you for making my life worth living. Happy Birthday, Baby Girl.